Creating the Women's Goddess Retreat

I wrote previously about my experience of running the Babalon Rising festival for its fifth year. I compared it to a child, grown beyond the scope of my own dreams. It has become something that the community it spawned needs and shapes. Let me then speak of my other child, not yet two years old and only just now developing into what it can be. I am referring to the annual Women's Goddess Retreat, an event that I am very proud to have birthed, and that changed me in ways I never thought possible.

The retreat started as a vision. It came from Hera, who I had no prior working relationship with. I'd read an interview with Tina Fey about her film Mean Girls and the book that inspired it, Queen Bees and Wannabes. It had occurred to me that communities, especially religiously motivated communities thrived only when the women in them worked together to build a place they were spiritually, emotionally, and physically invested in. I had been disheartened by the cliquish gossiping that was going on at my own spiritual home, Our Haven Nature Sanctuary, and I knew that I was as responsible as anyone for the present female animosity there.

My friend Anita, who has always been a great guiding force of growth in my life, had loaned me a book about women on retreat, The Woman's Retreat Book by Jennifer Louden. This book made me hungry -- jealously starving -- for a retreat of my own. I fantasized about a week alone at Crescent Beach, FL with time to write and paint and nap. I told myself that if I could just get away that I'd find the next step on my spiritual journey, and that, like magic, I'd suddenly know exactly what I wanted from my life. No one ever accused me of being an entirely rational creature.

And then Hera showed up. She came in a vision requesting, no, demanding that I put together a women's retreat in her honor. I hadn't really considered the idea of a group retreat before. How could I do the very self-involved navel-gazing that I dreamed of when I was facilitating a group of other women? And what would a retreat centered around Hera look like anyway? I imagined a group of ladies lounging by a pool, fanning themselves with peacock feathers.

Again, Anita had a solution. The retreat would honor Hera, yes, but it would also honor other Goddesses from different cultures around the world. I pinned the number at thirteen Goddesses, for the thirteen lunar cycles of the year. We would hold a circle for each Goddess, during which we would learn a little about Her mythology and worship. We would then invoke that Goddess and share in an activity together designed to teach us a life lesson that Goddess shared. I set the circles at two hours each, and determined that each woman would receive a journal to record her experiences in. This was as much for myself as anyone -- I wanted time to do my share of navel-gazing, after all!

Anita and Laurelei helped me flesh out the group of thirteen. The Goddesses we held circles for were:

• Shakti ~ The Lessons of Inner Awareness, & Healing Ourselves
• Diana ~ The Lessons of Owning your Power, & Finding Inner Strength
• Hera ~ The Lessons of Dignity, Friendship, & Trust
• Pele ~ The Lessons of Tending the Sacred Fire & Staying Centered
• Gaia ~ The Lessons of Interconnectedness & Being Present
• Aphrodite ~ The Lessons of True Beauty & Self-Love
• Babalon ~ The Lessons of Sexual Freedom & Bottomless Love
• Hathor ~ The Lessons of Celebration & Sacred Movement
• Inanna ~ The Lessons of the Shadow-Self & Initiation
• Brigid ~ The Lessons of Mythic Resonance & Bardic Magick
• The Triple Goddess ~ The Lessons of Women's Cycles & Change
• Sophia ~ The Lessons of Inner Wisdom & The Powers of The Sphinx
• The Great Goddess ~ The Lesson of the Charge of the Goddess

Anita couldn't make it to the actual retreat, so we asked a handful of trusted friends to help present the circles for a few select Goddesses. Gina, our Firepanther, shared Pele's fire with us. Terri, Cricket to her friends, lead us on a mind-expanding trip around Gaia. My beloved friend Mary "Hummingbird" lead a moving circle to Brigid. The remaining Goddesses Laurelei and I divided up to share. Laurelei introduced us to Shakti through the use of mudras to move energy. When we began the yoni mudra our stories began to pour forth along with tears and laughter. If I had any doubts that we wouldn't be doing real internal soul work, they were quickly set aside. Under Laurelei's guidance Diana gave us each our own spiritual weapon of power. She taught us to see how beautiful we are when we share our smile and our love through Aphrodite's mirror. We danced a graceful and joyful circle for Hathor.

I lead circles for Hera, Babalon, Inanna, The Triple Goddess, and Sophia. Hera taught us the lesson that inspired the retreat, how to trust each other. Babalon's sexy energy had us all laughing and purring. I wrote an involved guided meditation for Inanna that lead each of us to embrace our shadow-self, while Laurelei gave us a Jungian tour through the Heroine's Journey. The Triple Goddess came out in full force, and seems to be the guiding presence for the upcoming retreat for this year. Sophia shared with us the powers to Know, to Will, to Dare, and to Keep Silent through a silent portion of the retreat.

Laurelei and I built a shrine in the woods for the Great Goddess. Our circle chanted "Ancient Mother" as women went in pairs to visit the shrine and meet the Great Goddess. When Laurelei and I had our turn we wept for joy and wonder, in spite of the fact that we knew exactly what the "mystery" of the shrine was -- we had placed it there ourselves, after all.

After the retreat I continued to use my journal daily until it was full. It got me writing again, in a way I haven't done in years. My writing inspired me to begin a book, Under Her Aegis, which I am still working on. My writing also lead me to understand my passions, and brought me to a place where I knew I wanted to be a librarian. It even inspired me to start this blog. I felt, after the retreat, as if I had brought something useful and necessary into this world. For the first time in my life I felt like a mother rather than a maiden. I will have no biological children of my own, and this transition was remarkable for me.

This year the Women's Goddess Retreat is changing its form. There are fewer Goddess circles and more time for personal reflection. There are also many rituals designed as rites of passage for several of the women in attendance. These women came forward independently of their own accord asking for rites of croning for themselves, and rites of womaning for their daughters. We are blessed this year with three croning ceremonies and one womaning rite. The retreat is becoming what I hoped it might be, a place for our community of women to come together and work with a common spirit.

The Goddesses for this year are:

• Hestia ~ The Lessons of Finding Sacred Space & Returning Home
• Grandmother ~ The Lessons of Inner Awareness, & Moving Energy
• Brigid ~ The Lessons of Mythic Resonance & Bardic Magick
• The Morrigan ~ The Lessons of the Warrior Spirit & Healing from Trauma
• Athena ~ The Lessons of Peacemaking & Deep Wisdom
• Discordia ~ The Lessons of Celebration & Spontaneity
• Freya ~ The Lessons of Love & Women's Magic
• Sedna ~ The Lessons of Role-Shifting & Adaptation
• The Great Goddess ~ The Lesson of the Ultimate Boon

I will be facilitating the circles for Hestia and, yes of course, Athena. I am especially looking forward to Grandmother's circle, as we will be having an all-women's sweat lodge ceremony in Her honor. Also new this year we will be creating a Goddess quilt from 12x12 inch quilt blocks that each participant bring with her. We will assemble the quilt blocks on site.

I am proud to have brought this retreat into being, and I am nurtured and changed by it in ways I never imagined. Thank you for letting me share some of its magic with you, gentle reader.

WGR 2009 Guided Meditation: Inanna's Descent

Relax yourself and be comfortable.
You are going on a great journey soon.
This journey will lead to initiation and wisdom.
This journey will lead to the underworld and your dark secret self.
Breathe in deeply and feel yourself being gently lifted upward.
Exhale fully and feel yourself sink down deeply, melting into your self.
Breathe in again, rising not so high this time.
And exhale, sinking deeper into the watery darkness of unconsciousness.
Breathe in, barely treading the waters of your mind.
And exhale, diving deep, relaxing fully into the dark.

You see a dazzling starry light, and focusing, you realize that it is a brilliant crown of stars.
You place the crown upon your head, accepting that you are the queen of this domain.
Invisible hands fasten a necklace of beads that shine like a rainbow around your throat.
Your arms glitter with intricate gold bracelets, each carved with a story about your life.
You realize you are wearing a robe of pure white silk that shines like the moon and flows like a river around you.
Your feet are girt with sandals of the softest leather and you move through the world like a gentle wind.
Around your waist is fastened a golden girdle which makes you irresistible to all you see you.
The sweet perfume of honey and myrrh rises from your skin.
Your eyes are painted with kohl and crushed gemstones.
Your garments are sequined with galaxies.
In your hand is your holy weapon of power.

Now armed and and adorned you are ready for your journey.
Westward you travel, to the land where the sun sets.
You approach the dark gates of the underworld.
You knock on the gate, calling out to the gatekeeper.
"Open the gates to the underworld!"
The gatekeeper answers:
"Who seeks to enter the gates of the underworld?"
"I, The Queen of Heaven seek to enter the underworld!"
"Why do you travel to the land from where none may return?"
"I travel to visit my sister and my secret self that I may know wisdom!"
"Then come, Queen of Heaven, and enter."
The gates of the underworld open to you and you pass through them.

As you move through the gates your weapon of power disappears from your hand.
You can feel your inner strength fading away.
"What is this?" you ask.
You are told, "Quiet! The ways of the underworld are perfect and must not be questioned!"

You see a second gate which opens to you as you approach it.
As you pass through the second gates your golden girdle disappears from your waist.
You can sense your inner beauty fading away.
"What is this?" you ask.
You are told, "Quiet! The ways of the underworld are perfect and must not be questioned!"

You see a third gate which opens to you as you approach it.
As you pass through the third gates your soft sandals disappear from your feet.
You can feel your power of swift movement fading away.
"What is this?" you ask.
You are told, "Quiet! The ways of the underworld are perfect and must not be questioned!"

You see a forth gate which opens to you as you approach it.
As you pass through the forth gates your moonlit robes disappear from your body.
You can feel your power of queenly grace fading away.
"What is this?" you ask.
You are told, "Quiet! The ways of the underworld are perfect and must not be questioned!"

You see a fifth gate which opens to you as you approach it.
As you pass through the fifth gates your golden bracelets disappear from your arms.
You can feel the memories of your life fading away.
"What is this?" you ask.
You are told, "Quiet! The ways of the underworld are perfect and must not be questioned!"

You see a sixth gate which opens to you as you approach it.
As you pass through the sixth gates your rainbow necklace disappears from your neck.
You can feel your radiant life force fading away.
"What is this?" you ask.
You are told, "Quiet! The ways of the underworld are perfect and must not be questioned!"

You see a seventh gate which opens to you as you approach it.
As you pass through the seventh gates your starry crown disappears from your head.
You can see the light around you fading away.
"What is this?" you ask.
You are told, "Quiet! The ways of the underworld are perfect and must not be questioned!"

Naked and bowed low you enter the throne room of your secret self.
Your eyes adjust to the dim gloom of the sacred chamber.
You can see rows of judges gathered around the throne.
The judges fix their dark eyes upon you.
They fasten upon you the baleful eye of death.
They speak the word of wrath.
They utter the cry of guilt.
You fall dead at their feet.

Now from the dark throne rises a shadowy figure.
She moves slowly toward your limp corpse.
She bends down over you and strokes your hair.
For only a moment you can see her face.
It is like your own.
She leans down further and places her lips near your ear.
Listen now for her whisper of wisdom.
...

The shadow queen rises from your corpse slowly and walks to her throne lamenting,
"Oh! Oh! My insides!"
You feel a tinge of sympathy for her pain.
"Oh! Oh! My outsides!" She cries.
You long to soothe her.
The shadow queen reaches behind her throne and retrieves a jar.
Bending over your corpse she pours water from the jar onto you.
It is the water of life.

You can feel the life rushing back into your body.
Warmth and light envelop you.
Sense returns to your limbs.
Sight returns to your eyes.
You breathe deeply, breathing in light and life.
You rise standing from the earth.
You look your dark sister in the eye and hold her cold hand.
You embrace her.

As you turn to leave the dark chamber the judges call to you.
"Wait!" they call out. "No one may return from the underworld unmarked."
You reach out your open palms to them.
They place in your hands the sacred mark.
A great rush of wind blows you backwards and upwards.
You can feel your powers returning to you.

Your starry crown reappears on your brow and light shines forth from you.
Your rainbow necklace reappears at your throat and the joy of life fills you.
Your golden bracelets reappear on your arms and you remember your beautiful life.
Your silken robes reappear around you and you can feel your grace returning.
Your soft sandals reappear on your feet and you can feel yourself in control of your movement.
Your golden girdle reappears at your waist and your inner beauty is restored.
Your weapon of power reappears in your hand and you are filled with inner strength.

You stand outside of the gates of the underworld.
You look to the east and see the rising sun.
Breathe it in and rise.
Rise back from unconsciousness.
Rise back to this world.
Rise back into your body.
Awaken, and bring the words of your secret self with you.

Written for the 2009 Women's Goddess Retreat

Verses for Ereshkegal

Ereshkegal watches, and wonders, and waits
as her shining sister clears the gates
of death, of fate, of time.
"Her flesh shall be mine,"
declares the raven-haired queen
and sets about her selfish scheme.
She hones her fangs then to devour
the honeyed dew of Heaven's flower.
Greedily she rends skin from bone,
only to find it is her own.

"Oh my insides!" Cries Ereshkegal!
But her corpse hangs on a meat hook of her own design.
"Oh my outsides!" Cries Ereshkegal!
But her skin lies limp flayed by her own hands.

For the kurrjara whose words can soothe her broken soul
any gift she shall bestow.
For the galatura whose touch can mend her heart
she shall grant gifts of knowledge and art
For the shining sister that would clear the gates
Ereshkegal watches, and wonders, and waits.

Reposted from MySpace blog August 17, 2008