Creating the Women's Goddess Retreat

I wrote previously about my experience of running the Babalon Rising festival for its fifth year. I compared it to a child, grown beyond the scope of my own dreams. It has become something that the community it spawned needs and shapes. Let me then speak of my other child, not yet two years old and only just now developing into what it can be. I am referring to the annual Women's Goddess Retreat, an event that I am very proud to have birthed, and that changed me in ways I never thought possible.

The retreat started as a vision. It came from Hera, who I had no prior working relationship with. I'd read an interview with Tina Fey about her film Mean Girls and the book that inspired it, Queen Bees and Wannabes. It had occurred to me that communities, especially religiously motivated communities thrived only when the women in them worked together to build a place they were spiritually, emotionally, and physically invested in. I had been disheartened by the cliquish gossiping that was going on at my own spiritual home, Our Haven Nature Sanctuary, and I knew that I was as responsible as anyone for the present female animosity there.

My friend Anita, who has always been a great guiding force of growth in my life, had loaned me a book about women on retreat, The Woman's Retreat Book by Jennifer Louden. This book made me hungry -- jealously starving -- for a retreat of my own. I fantasized about a week alone at Crescent Beach, FL with time to write and paint and nap. I told myself that if I could just get away that I'd find the next step on my spiritual journey, and that, like magic, I'd suddenly know exactly what I wanted from my life. No one ever accused me of being an entirely rational creature.

And then Hera showed up. She came in a vision requesting, no, demanding that I put together a women's retreat in her honor. I hadn't really considered the idea of a group retreat before. How could I do the very self-involved navel-gazing that I dreamed of when I was facilitating a group of other women? And what would a retreat centered around Hera look like anyway? I imagined a group of ladies lounging by a pool, fanning themselves with peacock feathers.

Again, Anita had a solution. The retreat would honor Hera, yes, but it would also honor other Goddesses from different cultures around the world. I pinned the number at thirteen Goddesses, for the thirteen lunar cycles of the year. We would hold a circle for each Goddess, during which we would learn a little about Her mythology and worship. We would then invoke that Goddess and share in an activity together designed to teach us a life lesson that Goddess shared. I set the circles at two hours each, and determined that each woman would receive a journal to record her experiences in. This was as much for myself as anyone -- I wanted time to do my share of navel-gazing, after all!

Anita and Laurelei helped me flesh out the group of thirteen. The Goddesses we held circles for were:

• Shakti ~ The Lessons of Inner Awareness, & Healing Ourselves
• Diana ~ The Lessons of Owning your Power, & Finding Inner Strength
• Hera ~ The Lessons of Dignity, Friendship, & Trust
• Pele ~ The Lessons of Tending the Sacred Fire & Staying Centered
• Gaia ~ The Lessons of Interconnectedness & Being Present
• Aphrodite ~ The Lessons of True Beauty & Self-Love
• Babalon ~ The Lessons of Sexual Freedom & Bottomless Love
• Hathor ~ The Lessons of Celebration & Sacred Movement
• Inanna ~ The Lessons of the Shadow-Self & Initiation
• Brigid ~ The Lessons of Mythic Resonance & Bardic Magick
• The Triple Goddess ~ The Lessons of Women's Cycles & Change
• Sophia ~ The Lessons of Inner Wisdom & The Powers of The Sphinx
• The Great Goddess ~ The Lesson of the Charge of the Goddess

Anita couldn't make it to the actual retreat, so we asked a handful of trusted friends to help present the circles for a few select Goddesses. Gina, our Firepanther, shared Pele's fire with us. Terri, Cricket to her friends, lead us on a mind-expanding trip around Gaia. My beloved friend Mary "Hummingbird" lead a moving circle to Brigid. The remaining Goddesses Laurelei and I divided up to share. Laurelei introduced us to Shakti through the use of mudras to move energy. When we began the yoni mudra our stories began to pour forth along with tears and laughter. If I had any doubts that we wouldn't be doing real internal soul work, they were quickly set aside. Under Laurelei's guidance Diana gave us each our own spiritual weapon of power. She taught us to see how beautiful we are when we share our smile and our love through Aphrodite's mirror. We danced a graceful and joyful circle for Hathor.

I lead circles for Hera, Babalon, Inanna, The Triple Goddess, and Sophia. Hera taught us the lesson that inspired the retreat, how to trust each other. Babalon's sexy energy had us all laughing and purring. I wrote an involved guided meditation for Inanna that lead each of us to embrace our shadow-self, while Laurelei gave us a Jungian tour through the Heroine's Journey. The Triple Goddess came out in full force, and seems to be the guiding presence for the upcoming retreat for this year. Sophia shared with us the powers to Know, to Will, to Dare, and to Keep Silent through a silent portion of the retreat.

Laurelei and I built a shrine in the woods for the Great Goddess. Our circle chanted "Ancient Mother" as women went in pairs to visit the shrine and meet the Great Goddess. When Laurelei and I had our turn we wept for joy and wonder, in spite of the fact that we knew exactly what the "mystery" of the shrine was -- we had placed it there ourselves, after all.

After the retreat I continued to use my journal daily until it was full. It got me writing again, in a way I haven't done in years. My writing inspired me to begin a book, Under Her Aegis, which I am still working on. My writing also lead me to understand my passions, and brought me to a place where I knew I wanted to be a librarian. It even inspired me to start this blog. I felt, after the retreat, as if I had brought something useful and necessary into this world. For the first time in my life I felt like a mother rather than a maiden. I will have no biological children of my own, and this transition was remarkable for me.

This year the Women's Goddess Retreat is changing its form. There are fewer Goddess circles and more time for personal reflection. There are also many rituals designed as rites of passage for several of the women in attendance. These women came forward independently of their own accord asking for rites of croning for themselves, and rites of womaning for their daughters. We are blessed this year with three croning ceremonies and one womaning rite. The retreat is becoming what I hoped it might be, a place for our community of women to come together and work with a common spirit.

The Goddesses for this year are:

• Hestia ~ The Lessons of Finding Sacred Space & Returning Home
• Grandmother ~ The Lessons of Inner Awareness, & Moving Energy
• Brigid ~ The Lessons of Mythic Resonance & Bardic Magick
• The Morrigan ~ The Lessons of the Warrior Spirit & Healing from Trauma
• Athena ~ The Lessons of Peacemaking & Deep Wisdom
• Discordia ~ The Lessons of Celebration & Spontaneity
• Freya ~ The Lessons of Love & Women's Magic
• Sedna ~ The Lessons of Role-Shifting & Adaptation
• The Great Goddess ~ The Lesson of the Ultimate Boon

I will be facilitating the circles for Hestia and, yes of course, Athena. I am especially looking forward to Grandmother's circle, as we will be having an all-women's sweat lodge ceremony in Her honor. Also new this year we will be creating a Goddess quilt from 12x12 inch quilt blocks that each participant bring with her. We will assemble the quilt blocks on site.

I am proud to have brought this retreat into being, and I am nurtured and changed by it in ways I never imagined. Thank you for letting me share some of its magic with you, gentle reader.

Why did Athena desire the golden apple?

"Why should a keen yearning for lovely beauty distress her [Athena], to whom Klotho had assigned a marriageless and childless virginity."
~Telestes, Fragment 805 (from Athenaeus, Scholars at Dinner)

This question has vexed me for months. It has prompted its own share of hack fiction on my part (see Athena's Illiad Parts 1 & 2) and a slew of UPG revolving around what feel like conversations with the Goddess on good days and slow descents into madness on bad ones.

I can understand Aphrodite and Hera's claims to the golden apple inscribed KALLISTI: for the fairest. Both Goddesses were associated with golden apples in myth. Hera was said to own the Garden of the Hesperides which housed the orchard in which the apples grew. Aphrodite is sometimes named the owner of this orchard as well, and She uses the apples to good effect in the myth of the marriage of Atlanta. In addition to this, cases can be made for both Aphrodite and Hera as the "fairest" of Goddesses. Aphrodite's beauty is legendary, and Hera is praised as the cow-eyed and white-armed perfect bride.

So why did Athena, who has no prior mythological associations with golden apples and who is praised for Her wisdom, skill, and cunning over Her fairness of countenance insist on claiming the KALLISTI apple?

In my experiences with Athena She has presented Herself as a maintainer of peace. Her associations with war come from a place of skill, strategy, and a love for heroic deeds. She seems to abhor strife. She is noted as the greatest weaver, and serves in this role like a latter day Fate. When contrasted with Ares, Athena becomes a preserver Deity, whereas Ares serves as a destroyer.

But surely a Goddess as wise and thoughtful as Athena would have known that the KALLISTI apple would cause nothing but strife?

Athena has a special role on Olympus. She is the wearer of the aegis, which She shares with Zeus, and is the only God that Zeus trusts to wield his lightning bolts. Athena is the keeper of powerful relics. In the folds of the aegis are the head of the gorgon Medusa and the kista of the Arrephoria, both of which no mortal can look upon. One turns men to stone, the other drives them mad.

When the KALLISTI apple rolled into the wedding feast of Peleus and Thetis I propose that Athena knew fully well how powerful it was. She saw that it was an instrument of strife and would bring a terrible fate to all who looked upon it. Her wisdom said to claim the apple as Her own, to keep it safe in Her aegis with the other weapons of Olympus.

It was not vanity that brought Athena to the Judgment of Paris, but Her deep wisdom.

Athena's Illiad - Part 1

Introduction

I've been working on a short story piece for a few months now. It is a retelling of the Judgment of Paris and the Illiad from the perspective of Athena. I'll be posting sections of it here for feedback and criticism. Oh, and yes, I did make the golden apple graphic to the right. Feel free to snag it and do whatever you like with it. I'm sure Eris would want it that way.

Athena's Illiad - Part 1

When mortals read the words of the poet Homer they hear one side of a very complicated tale. It is my opinion that all of the Gods were judged harshly by his laureled pen. As for myself you may be surprised to discover that I loved the city of Troy. Not as I loved my dear Greece, of course, but I never sought the destruction of Ilium. At least, not in the beginning. Troy was ruled by a dynasty descended from my beloved son Ericthonius. From this line I strived for generations to produce a hero that would be unmatched in skill and wisdom. A hero that would fight with heart and mind as much as hands and grit. Troy was also the home of my Palladium, a relic which reminded me of my first and best love, Pallas. I collected relics. In my goat skin bag were the Kista of Athens, Zeus's lightning bolts, and the head of the gorgon Medusa. I was the only God of clear enough mind to bear these tools of destruction. Had I only been given that most destructive of relics to begin with the war with Troy would never have happened.

When Priam's first son was born I knew that the seeds of heroism I had planted in the walls of Ilium had finally born rich fruit. Hector would grow to be a man of wondrous renown, not only for his heroic deeds but also for his quick and agile mind. I invested my time in insuring him a future of glory. If I had the wisdom so many praise me with I would have been less involved with the elder son of Priam and more interested in the growth of his younger son Paris. Paris was a vain and lazy youth with a slow mind prone to outside influence. If only I had seen! It was only ever my intention to preserve the peace of Greece. Alas, I could not see that far.

Not much is missed by the sharpness of my silvery owl eyes. At the wedding of Thetis to the moral Peleus I saw Eris slip in from the sidelines. I watched as she rolled that golden ball of chaos into the wedding feast. I knew instantly that it was a tool of death and destruction. It would only be safe hidden safely within the folds of my goat-skin aegis. I darted across the hall, swift as any bird of prey, and clutched at the golden apple. It had fallen at the feet of that dove, that violet crowned Goddess of Love, Aphrodite. I can see now that I was fortune's fool. Had I not been so eager to prevent chaos I would never had been its instrument. As it was, I snatched the apple from Aphrodite's silken hand just as she read its inscription: KALLISTI, for the fairest. Fast enough to make my head spin deceitful Hera was at our side, demanding the apple for herself, as was befitting the Queen of the Gods. Aphrodite insisted that the prize, having fallen at her lovely feet, was rightly hers. And I, overcome with terror at the chaos thrumming forth from the little golden ball in my hand, could only shake my head in disagreement with them.

If my father read the horror on my face, or could simply sense the overwhelming menace that the apple radiated I do not know. I only know that as swiftly as lightning he took the apple from my grasp. Would that he had kept it! Like a wryneck Hera slithered up to her husband. Did she not deserve the apple? Had it not come from her evening orchard? She flashed him her fox smile and petted his arms, cooing like a cuckoo that the apple should be hers. Aphrodite gasped. "The apple came to me," she pleaded. "Am I not the fairest of the Gods?" Zeus looked to me for guidance. "Give me the apple," I assured him, "and I will protect us from the dark fate that it promises." Mighty Zeus furrowed his brow. "I will not choose among you." He proclaimed. "But on the slopes outside of Troy is a shepherd named Paris who has proven himself to be a fair and worthy judge. Let him choose who shall claim the golden apple."

We all knew of this Paris. He was Priam's younger son and had recently judged Ares's bulls as finer than his own. Zeus seemed to think that this made Paris a fair judge. Aphrodite, Hera, and I knew better. In preparation to meet Paris Aphrodite shed her already sheer peplos and donned her golden girdle. Hera also freed herself of her purple vestments and elaborately braided her coppery hair around her golden crown. She readied a cask of gold and jewels to take to Paris. I understood then that to win possession of the apple, to save the fate of Gods and men, I would need to lower myself before Priam's son. I slid off my beautifully woven peplos and adjusted the aegis around myself for the sake of modesty. Hera laughed scornfully at my actions. Aphrodite rubbed love philters into her skin. What was she planning? And what could I offer Paris that would make him come to my side?

We found Paris resting beneath a cypress tree near his grazing flocks. Hermes handed him the apple and laid the task before him, eyes twinkling. Hermes seemed unduly amused by the entire embarrassing situation. But how could I expect him to understand the importance of that little golden apple? How could any of us have known just how terrible Paris's judgment would be?

Hera made her case first. She strutted about, every bit the peacock that she so admired. Was she not the fairest of Goddesses? And what gifts she offered Paris! The cask of gold and jewels would make him richer than all the kings of Greece, and I heard her promise him still greater power and wealth. Such was the domain of Hera. She promised war that would expand the power of Troy throughout Greece and eastward to Phrygia. I could not let her succeed. She would undo the peace of Greece and all that I had worked for. I strode forth, eager to make my own case. "Paris," I commanded, fixing him with my quicksilver eyes, "power lasts only a little while. I can give you fame that will last forever. Only I can make you a hero the likes of which men will sing of long after your temples are rubble and your body is dust. Only I can offer you immortality, dear Paris." Paris considered this, and I could see that I had won him from the claws of Hera. "But now I must hear from Aphrodite," said the youth. I swallowed hard, wondering what the golden Goddess of Love would offer forth. "Beloved Paris," breathed forth her honeyed voice, "Power is fleeting, and glory is cold. I offer you great love, my Paris. Love the likes of which the world has never seen. Love that will be sung of for as long as any hero tale could ever be, and love that is glorious while it lives. I offer you the love of the most beautiful woman in all of the world, Paris. She will love you fully, all of the days of your life." I knew that I was beaten. Paris was utterly transfixed by Aphrodite's promises. Paris proclaimed, "Power is the providence of my father King Priam. Glory is the hallmark of my brother Prince Hector. These are not of me. I pledge my troth with Aphrodite and declare myself a servant of Love!" Hera fumed, eager to leave. As Paris placed the apple into Aphrodite's hand I was filled with hope that the apple's chaos had been averted. Hera would not have her war, and what harm could come from the innocence of true love? What harm indeed.

Ten

Laurelei's daughter just celebrated her tenth birthday. Milestones like that are cause for reflection in everyone's lives, and it made me think about when I was ten years old. Specifically, it called to mind my first ever forays into Paganism.

When I was in fourth grade I was crazy about mythology. The library at school had gorgeous hardback copies of D'Aulaires' Book of Greek Myths and D'Aulaires' Book of Norse Myths. I checked them out in rotation each week. I attempted to memorize every page. Every story, every illustration, every family tree. My first thoughts on comparative religion came from wondering why the punishments of Prometheus and Loki seemed so similar.

I was dazzled by the remarkable illustrations. There was Echindna nursing the young monsters of Greek mythology, Loki transforming into countless animals, Aphrodite rising radiant from the sea. Slepnirr galloping eight-legged across the sky. Sif's golden hair, and Gaia smiling up at Uranos. I recall that I was especially fond of Hermes, that youthful God of cleverness.

I wanted desperately to be favored by the Gods as were heroines like Medea, or Ariadne. I was enamored with the Pythia of Delphi, sitting on her tripod and murmuring the future. She was Apollo's chosen voice on earth! My very first prayer, sincere in a way that only a ten-year-old girl's can be, was to Apollo. I was on the bus going to school and was watching the sun rise. I knew that I wasn't supposed to look at the sun, that I would go blind. So I prayed to the Lord of Light to take my sight and give me second sight. At ten years old I prayed to become an oracle of Apollo.

Did the prayer work? Well, I did end up needing glasses, which, combined with my odd bookish nature, made Junior High a singularly awful experience. When I was sixteen I was gifted with my first set of Tarot cards, and over the years I've become surprisingly proficient with them. Does this make me an oracle? Hardly!

So did the God hear my prayers? I am certain of it. Inspired by Medea, and a series of events that I will relate at another time, I became a Witch. Honest to goodness. I have papers of pedigree and everything. And then, only last year, the most remarkable thing happened. The Greek Gods came back into my life. In my life as a Pagan up until that point I had been neglecting them. I thought them to pedestrian for my notice. They were the Gods of my childhood, Gods that people learned about in school. I wanted exotic Deities whose names resonated with darkness, night, and deep magic.

And then Athena showed up. I was immersed in totemic owl work, and serpentine magics, and Goddess spirituality. And there she was, owl-eyed and Amazonian, and gorgon-bearing, and glorious. With her came the others. Dionysus, compelling me to run wild through the forest, wine-soaked and half-mad at festival. Hera, demanding a Goddess retreat in her name. Aphrodite, spinning my love life into new unexplored dimensions. Demeter, teaching me how to be a mother, when I had expressly denied such a place in myself existed. Soon I couldn't deny it, I had become a Hellenic Polytheist.

I purchased a copy of D'Aulaires' Book of Greek Myths at the used bookstore that seemed to have been waiting for me. I share it with Laurelei's children, the oldest of which just turned ten. I marvel at the circle.

Theogamia

I sing now of cloud-gathering Zeus and his love for his radiant sister, Hera of the white arms.
Zeus, newborn and glorious, smiled at the great cow-eyed Hera.
Mighty Hera donned the girdle of shapely Aphrodite and claimed the child for her own to wed.
So, from the wrath of Kronos fled Hera and Zeus.
From the safe arms of Rhea they flew to the palace of Okeanos,
Delighting in each other.
Embracing.
Mighty Zeus clasped Hera's slender waist and she became Teleia.
Such was their love that they kept to their marriage bed for three-hundred years.
Hera bathed each day at Kanathos, renewing her virginity to Zeus's delight.
They emerged from their honeymoon to a grand wedding feast.
Gaia offered forth the golden orchard of evening to Hera, beloved of Zeus.
The Gods rejoiced as lovely Hera took her place on the golden throne beside thundering Zeus.
Resplendent Hera, heavy with child, was named Queen of the Gods.
White armed Goddess, may I find fulfillment of my heart's desire as you find when you lay with mighty Zeus.
Hail to you radiant wife of Zeus!
May I ever sing of your glory, and the glory of your progeny.
Now I will remember you and another song as well.