Athena Devotional

Just a quick note to mention that Bibliotheca Alexandrina publishing house is seeking submissions for a future Athena Devotional.  You can learn more about the project here. I've submitted some of my work from this blog. *crosses fingers*

Lovely Owl

My new favorite thing of the day. :)

Black Dog

If you are going through hell, keep going.
~Winston Churchill

Churchill knew about Bipolar Disorder firsthand.  He was stalked by this own black dog; just as is my father, just as I am.

The dog hungers for anxiety. It lives on fear and self-deprecation. It has a nose for the tragic.

Medications can chain the dog. They make him invisible. They make me wonder if there ever was a black dog in the shadows of my mind, in the darkness at my door.

But the dog is real, and when that barghest fixes you with his baleful stare the color drains out of your world and you remember all of the pain that can be laid at your doorstep.  You are accountable, and the dog is judge, jury, and executioner.

Carry your guilt and the dog will grow teeth to gnash at your soul. If you have worries, fears, the dog will sneak in on padded feet and poison your thoughts.

You must fight the dog.

You cannot take it out back and shoot it. No. That rage only feeds the beast. You cannot abandon it at a shelter, no matter how many times you might check yourself in, or attempt to check out.

The dog will find you where you live. It will roam around you, just out of sight, yet you will sense the terrible weight of its great shaggy bulk slowly smothering you.

You will hear it howling in the darkness. Sometimes you might spot its heavy paw prints in the dirty places of your mind. Do not follow its tracks. The dog is crafty and will try to lead you off of the path of recovery.

Kill the dog with sunlight, with joyful songs, and silly films, and warm hugs from loved ones. Kill the dog with kindness. Forgive yourself. Be gentle with yourself. The dog will slowly starve.

Let go. Forgive. Reject guilt.

Kill the dog.


You can read more about Churchill's own Black Dog, here.

Into the Underworld

To paraphrase Proust, I am going on "a journey that no one can take for [me] or spare [me]."

This has been a long time coming. 

I've been fairly open on this blog about my bipolar disorder in the past.  I currently have major depression, to the point where it is difficult to even spell the words to form this post.

Tomorrow morning I will be checking myself into a clinic in order to get my medications in order, and to try to get myself back into some semblance of normalcy.

I am scared and sad that it has come to this, but I have to find a way to get better. Now.

Why I'm Against Marriage, Gay or Straight

As cute as this is, um, no.

After the (awesome, well-deserved, fantastic) decision in New York to allow gay marriage one of my coworkers asked me if Laurelei and I would be traveling to the Big Apple for a nuptial holiday.  The short answer, which I gave said coworker, is no.  The long answer I figured I'd hash out here.

I have a problem with state-sanctioned marriage because it combines two things that really shouldn't be together in my opinion (not, not a man and wife, lol).  I was thinking Church and State.  See, I kind of agree with those fundie wack-jobs that drone on about marriage being a sacrament. It *is* a sacrament.  A wedding is about you and your mate(s) and your God(s/esses).  I think that churches should have a right to refuse to perform a ceremony of marriage to anyone they deem beyond their church's pale.  I also believe that if churches continue to remain uber-conservative that they will eventually fail.  More people will look to alternative faiths like Paganism to fill their spiritual needs in a loving and accepting way.

Now, a marriage is more than only a spiritual commitment, of course.  It is also a legal contract.  You are effectively creating a corporation between you and your spouse.  You get some other rights as well, including power of attorney.  This legal contract should be state-sanctioned and should be open to EVERYONE, regardless of gender, or current legal status.  Yes, I am calling for the ability to incorporate with more than one person at a time.  Access to this form of contract should be accessible to anyone of the age of majority for a small fee at the county clerk's office, no questions asked.  This is something like a civil union, but not with the problems of being "separate but equal", because it is like this for everyone.  The government would have no place in a marriage or a wedding.  The government is there to protect and promote the family.  If you will recall, the Supreme Court decided decades ago in the case of Braschi v. Stahl Associates that:

"The majority has extended the definition of family to include anyone with an emotional and financial commitment. The regulation’s intent can only be applied by a definition of family to include objectively verifiable relationships based on blood, marriage and adoption as the State has historically done in estate succession laws, family court acts, and similar legislation."

So, you legally do not require a "marriage" to have a family.

I have an awesome family. We have kids, cats, rabbits, and lots of love.  I don't need or want the state getting involved in my family.  They should be there to protect us as good, honest, hardworking members of the proletariat.  They do not have the right to judge if my family is "good enough" for them to approve of.  I have a marriage, thank you.  I was joined in love in the eyes of my Gods to my family.  I don't need New York, or Indiana, or anyone to give me a piece of paper confirming what has already been solemnized.  I respect and celebrate the rights of those that do.  But I think that a change is coming in the way we see relationships in our society, and I believe in that change.

Note: But, seriously, I do think this whole gay marriage in New York thing rocks.  How can you not love this?